|Don't Forget the Diver|
|Series 4, Episode 2|
|Air Date||2 October 1970|
|Written by||Jimmy Perry & David Croft|
|Original Audience Figures||Unknown|
|Previous episode||The Big Parade|
|Next episode||Boots, Boots, Boots|
|List of episodes|
Captain Square and his two NCOs are having a drink in the local pub. Square tells the landlord the story of when he was with Lawrence of Arabia, fighting the Turks. He remarks that his golden watch saved him from dehydration - he left in his mouth for three days! He demonstrates this to the landlord just as Mainwaring and Wilson enter. Mainwaring is curious, and Wilson quips that he's 'watching his drink'. Square reminds Mainwaring of the big exercise on Sunday, and Square's sergeant remarks that all Home Guard platoons in the area are taking part.
The following parade, the platoon meet up to discuss tactics. However, the Verger is snooping around, taking notes to deliver to Captain Square because he is fed up of the way the Walmington platoon treat him. The Eastgate platoon will be defending a windmill, and the platoon have to find a way of planting a dummy bomb in the windmill without being spotted. Jones suggests a tunnel, but that is soon cast aside. Wilson suggests an idea from a Shakespeare play (probably Macbeth) he once saw, where the king dressed his troops up in bushes so they could attack the offending castle. Mainwaring thinks this is a good idea.
Walker suggests a man in a diving suit to push a dummy log along the river to a convenient spot and then the 'log' can waddle over to the windmill and plant the bomb. Frazer announces that he has inherited a diving suit from a late friend of his, Wally Stewart, who died from the 'dreaded bends' due to being pulled up too quickly on his last voyage! It is eventually decided that Jones will be inside the dummy log and Frazer, in the diving suit, will push Jones along the river until he is level with the windmill, at which point he will give a tug on his lifeline. This will be the signal to announce the first diversion, which will be initiated by Walker and Wilson, by Mainwaring's bird warbler. The second diversion will be initiated by Godfrey and Walker. When Jones reaches the windmill, he will climb out of the log and plant the 'bomb'.
On the day of the exercise, the Verger is still snooping from the church graveyard. Frazer and Jones proceed to move down the river, and Mainwaring launches the first diversion. Wilson and Walker have fifteen rifles attached to poles and are marching up and down behind a wall. Frazer pushes Jones onto the bank, but he can't get the flap open, and falls back in the river. However, the Eastgate platoon are distracted by Mainwaring's second diversion: Walker and Godfrey have put tin helmets on a flock of sheep and have taken them up to the mill. The Verger and Square are fooled into believing that the platoon are dressed up as sheep with tin helmets on!
Jones eventually reaches the windmill and proceeds to plant the 'bomb'. However, it is still attached to Jones, and when Square throws the bomb back, he gets caught up in the sails. Mainwaring proceeds to accept their surrender, but Square refuses. They notice that the sails are moving, with Jones on them! Eventually, he jumps off the sails and lands in the river!
- The windmill sails sequence, filmed at Drinkstone, Suffolk, pays tribute to the Will Hay film Oh, Mr. Porter!
- The title pays homage to the wartime catchphrase of Tommy Handley in the ITMA shows, 'Don't forget the diver sir; don't forget the diver' about the character Deepend Dan.
- The episode sees the first appearance of Robert Raglan as Captain Square's Sergeant. He would later return in a semi-regular role as the 'Colonel'.