|The Captain's Car|
|Series 7, Episode 5|
|Air Date||13th December 1974|
|Written by||Jimmy Perry & David Croft|
|Original Audience Figures||Unknown|
|Previous episode||The Godiva Affair|
|Next episode||Turkey Dinner|
|List of episodes|
The Captain's Car is the fifth episode of the seventh series of Dad's Army, and was originally transmitted on Friday 13th December 1974.
The platoon inherit a Rolls Royce staff car, and have to prepare for a visiting French General.
Lady Maltby arrives to see Captain Mainwaring in his office; as she can't get the petrol for her Rolls Royce, she is keen to see it used for the war effort. She is carefully maintaining her class distinction, being very superior to Mainwaring, then catches sight of Wilson, and greets him warmly as 'Dear Arthur'. They talk for a few minutes, obviously well acquainted, leaving Mainwaring fuming.
Mainwaring is very keen to use the car, so Frazer offers to do respray it cheaply. Unfortunately there is a misunderstanding when Frazer collects the car, and he takes the Mayor's Rolls Royce instead. A great flap ensues, which is calmed down by the accusation that the Mayor's chauffeur obviously hadn't disabled the car when he left it, which takes the wind out of the angry Mayor's sails. Of course, the Mayor's car is now not black but camouflaged, so Frazer has to spray it back to its previous livery again.
In the background the town is preparing for the visit of a Free French General. Mainwaring is not impressed, and tells Wilson that "the French don't make very good soldiers you know, especially after lunch". There is a lot of argument between the Wardens and the Home Guard about who should have the most important spot in the Guard of Honour. Frazer just manages to deliver the (now black) Mayor's car in time, but the paint is still tacky.
At the Guard of Honour, the Vicar's choir sings half of the French National Anthem ("they didn't have time to learn it all"), Wilson gives a welcoming speech in French, and the French General is so overcome he kisses Wilson, then Mainwaring, on both cheeks. Then the flash of Private Cheeseman's camera startles him, and he steadies himself with his hands against the Rolls Royce, so that when he kisses the outraged Hodges, the Warden ends up with black paint all over his face.