|Series 3, Episode 9|
|Air Date||6 November 1969|
|Written by||Jimmy Perry & David Croft|
|Original Audience Figures||12.6 Million|
|Previous episode||The Day the Balloon Went Up|
|Next episode||Menace from the Deep|
|List of episodes|
The platoon hold a platoon dance, and Pike has a special announcement to make.
Pike is cleaning Mainwaring's bank office and singing. There is something on his mind. Mainwaring interrupts him, and Pike changes the subject by congratulating the idea of the Home Guard dance Mainwaring has organised. When Pike leaves, Mainwaring confides in Wilson that he's not satisfied with Pike's work, and Wilson admits that Pike's walking out with an ATS girl, Violet Gibbons. Mainwaring is shocked, she could ruin his position at the bank. He asks Wilson to have a word with him, as he is the closest thing to a father Pike has. Wilson tries to wriggle out of it, but Mainwaring goads him by calling him a Peter Pan and reminding him that tongues have been wagging about Pike's parentage. Wilson is frustrated and agrees to talk to Pike.
Later, Mainwaring and Jones' section hold a meeting to discuss the final arrangements for the dance. They are in a quandary over music; Jones suggests the Salvation Army, but Walker doesn't agree, and mentions to Mainwaring that Private Hastings can play the piano, and he'll have a word with a band at an RAF unit in Gaulshead. Mainwaring agrees, and announces that Mrs Mainwaring will provide sausage rolls.
As the preparations get underway, Wilson is still trying to wriggle out of his intended conversation with Pike, but Mainwaring goads him into it. Jones suggests a cabaret act, but Mainwaring initially dismisses it. Wilson confronts Pike in Mainwaring's office, and tries to prevent him from taking Violet to the dance. Pike then drops the bombshell that he intends to announce their engagement in the middle of the dance, like Jack Oakie and Zazu Pitts. Wilson's pleas for him to reconsider fall on deaf ears, as do Walker's.
The initial phase of the dance goes well, apart from a confrontation with Jones and the Verger about the rude word on the harmonium (see The Day the Balloon Went Up). Walker arrives with two twins, Doris and Dora, Godfrey brings along his sister, Cissy, and Frazer brings his niece, Blodwen, who is a Land Girl. Mainwaring turns up with a black eye, and confesses to Jones that the sausage rolls are ruined and Elizabeth won't be coming. At last Jones' partner, Mrs Prosser, arrives and the dance can begin.
However, it isn't long before things turn pear-shaped and Pike arrives with Violet. Just as the band take a break, he walks up on stage, but Jones distracts him with his cabaret act, and impressions of many famous actors like Arthur Askey and George Arliss. Walker tries to persuade him to do Charles Laughton and Freddie Bartholomew, but it's too late. Pike announces his engagement, and his mother faints.
Later, Mainwaring is found drunk in his office by Wilson, having both been locked out of their houses by Elizabeth and Mrs Pike respectively. Pike comes in soaked, and tells Mainwaring and Wilson that his mum threw a bucket of water over him, and comes to the decision not to get married after all, much to Wilson's relief.